My Rules Revisited

Back in 2009 I posted an early form of "My Rules" along with some background on how they came to be. At a breakfast prayer meeting I said something and Mike mentioned Rule #1. I nodded and agreed. The Deacon immediately wanted to know about "My Rules". I explained to him the background and how my life is simpler and happier when I follow the rules and I showed him a copy. He asked me to write up some of my rules and how I apply them to everyday life to make my life less stressful. He says he wants to make a tri-fold that he can hand out to people. So as I wrote up rules I thought I should share them with you too (in case you don't meet the Deacon). So here is what I handed to him.

Rules for a happy life.

Here are the main rules of how I live my life. I won't tell you that they will solve all of your problems. But following them in your everyday life will reduce your stress and allow you to be happier. Ultimately, you control your happiness. think of the rich or powerful people you know of that are miserable while there are so many poor people living a life of joy. Does this mean you need to be poor to be happy? Of course not. It means possessions are not what makes you happy. You control your own happiness! And these rules can help you achieve the happiness you want.

It is what it is.

Don't worry about things you can not change. No matter how much you worry, stress and complain about it, the sun will still rise in the east. Things will still break. Food will still have calories. You will still be the height you are etc. So, stop worrying about the things you can not change. Maybe someday it will change and you will be able to control them, maybe not. But till you can control them, stop worrying about them.

Life is messy.

Half of the time the toast you drop will land butter side down. You can't control that (see 'It is what it is'). Children will still cry when their favorite toy breaks. Boyfriends and girlfriends will still break each other's hearts. Paint cans will get spilled. There will be traffic accidents. Because life is organic, made up of people and animals and messes happen. Don't worry about it. just keep your clean-up kit handy and handle it as it happens.

Just Get over it.

On the way to work somebody cuts you off! How dare they! You or so angry. You get to work and snap angry comments at your co-workers. Finally after an hour or so you calm down. Do you see what just happened? That person who cut you off stole an hour of your happiness, an hour of your life. Don't let people steal your happiness, your life. Don't assume they are selfish or a bad driver. Instead assume they have a rare blood type and on the way to donate blood for an emergency. Or their loved one is having a baby. Instead of getting angry, say a prayer they get there (wherever there is) in time.

"Always make you words soft and sweet. You never know when you might need to eat them." Mark Twain

If it works don't fix it.

The manager of a very successful department retires and a new manager is appointed. What is the first thing the new manager should do? Nothing! This department is already working well. The new manager should observe for awhile until he thoroughly understands the working of the department. Then and only then he has earned the right to make changes. 

If you don't want to know the answer don't ask the question.

Have you ever answered someone's question and they immediately tell you you're wrong? And you think why did they ask even bother to ask me? We all do it, we ask a question not to get an answer but to start a dialog. And talking with people is rarely a bad thing, unless you were trying to start an argument. Questions should be asked to gain knowledge or wisdom, never to hurt someone.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

We all have skills. There is something we do well. But all creative processes (including creating repairs) are by their nature destructive. Maybe we shouldn't tear down the beautiful 100 year old house to make a new house. Maybe we should. We all have the ability to hurt or heal with our words. Maybe we should hurt people less and heal people more.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,” Edmund Burke

When in doubt, read the manual.

Several times during my career I worked the help desk. Sometimes people would call and tell me product X didn't work. It was designed wrong or built wrong and we were bad incompetent people to have marketed product X. So I would ignore their rudeness try to help them. "Did you flip the little switch on the back as explained in the manual and quick start guide?

Life has a manual too. It is called the Bible.

If you ask the wrong question you will get the wrong answer.

Somebody does something that hurts you. "Why did you do that?" won't tell you if they are still your friend. "Aren't you my friend?" won't tell you if it didn't work right and you got hurt. Many questions come to our minds Some are hurtful and not meant to get an answer like "Have you stopped beating your wife?" Not a question at all but an accusation. Others are meant to manipulate your feelings. When you ask someone a question, always make them succinct and seeking what it is you want to know.

Garbage in garbage out.

Software developers have a saying "Garbage in garbage out." This means that no matter how good your processing algorithm is if you feed it bad data you will not get a useful answer. This is especially true of the most powerful computer in the world, the human mind. What is our garbage in? Rumors, innuendos,  accusations behind someone's back. Don't base your decisions on this garbage input.

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Sometimes the most you can do is pray.

Sometimes a friend comes to you with a problem, asking for help and there is nothing you can do. No way to help them. The most you can do is pray for them. But sometimes you can help your, maybe even solve their problem. But before you start helping your friend, remember that still the most you can do is pray.

So there we have an update and explanation of the current version of the first few of "My Rules". Do you have rules? Maybe it is time to sit down and think about what you believe, what guides your life. Like what you found? Write it down, share it, live it. Don't like what you found? Then change your rules! Find the rules that will help you achieve happiness and be the person you want to be.

God Bless you and yours.